One month...Identity Crisis in full effect!

As my seven year old daughter clamors for my attention...I have a choice to make. My mind is racing with thoughts I want to get down here and my time is being consumed by all that I must accomplish in the next 30 days. One month from today we will be rolling out and I look forward to not having so much conflict in what choice I should make. (Yes, I choose my daughter! I'll be right back) My daughter Blythe needs me to be dialed in to what is on her plate...literally. She takes a bite of her quesadilla and she walks over and squeezes my neck with one of her huge hugs. Just enjoy more of these moments...this is why I made the choice to join Erica and walk away from work for a bit. This is the space I want

to be in for a while...to be able to endulge in my precious family before they grow up and are gone. While our bodies are young and healthy we will endulge in the travel and adventure that Erica's grandma Kitty "Bobo" Gillson instilled in us almost 20 years ago. She told us to maximize our vacation time and travel with our family every year. Do not wait for retirement because that time may never come and your work will be there when you return.

I think this is maximizing!

Now the piece that is consuming my anxious mind...

These last few weeks have been scary for me. I have worked full time since I left home almost 23 years ago. To some not a big deal, but give a man a break! I know I picked this responsibilty up from my Dad. It was only because that is what he did...he worked, he provided, and he spent every other moment with us. I am confident that if he were here, he would be our supporter as well. Now I've built a work identity that has sustained me and my family also, for so long that I have no idea really what to expect from this sort of Midlife Retirement. FEAR! I know this break is wanted, but at times I am in full blown crisis because the "why" feels selfish and unnecessary. Why am I leaving when things are going seemingly well for me? When there is still so much work I can do?? To those who know me really well, how about this one... why would I leave good money on the table in the prime of my working years???Crisis...full blown! Here's one reason, my Dad wouldn't leave work when things were going bad, much less during periods of opportunity and growth. He told me he wished that he would have...his one regret. Here's a few more...my therapist has been helpful and supportive (yup...therapy), my wife is unwavering in her confidence that we will always be ok, and then there are all of the people in our lives that have been so supportive. No one has said we are making a mistake...not one person. Thank you! Most wish they could do it. (You can figure it out!!!) I shared with my co-worker the other day my identity crises and she fired back immediately that I should feel blessed to be able to lose my work identity for the opportunity to be a husband and a father full time. "What man does that?", she told me. She's right! Many men are like me and create this work identity as a means to provide for their family. But I believe many men also wish they could be more present at home. Her comments really made me feel good that I am making a choice that is counter to culture but yet its so well appreciated as the right thing to do.

Now to the how...we will not be working because we have saved our money and worked hard to eliminate our expenses. We have always saved and we have lived "small" relative to our income, but I assure you we are really tight going into this trip. This is where my fear is the greatest. I can admit that this agressive saving became something that was a bit indulgent for sure...so we will spend some of that savings that used to be hoarded for 25 years from now in approximately 31 days. Crazy?? Sometimes I still think so. But we will trust in ourselves and our abilty to find work in the future after we are through.

I plan to write along with Erica throughout this year of relaxation and reflection, and will try to bring the fear and the pain too. That transparency is important. As we disconnect from our lives for a bit, this communication, albeit one sided, will be a way to look back years from now on how crazy brillant our life decision was. I know I won't regret choosing the family I treasure over all that I will retire from. I draw strength from the idea that my Dad and Bobo's legacy will live on and continue through us and our adventures. We both draw inspiration from the hope that you too might be inspired to retreat for a while, to be in the moment doing what feeds your soul.

Peace and Love,

Kris